FUCK YEAH, ASIAN MEN!

hapamyheart:

fuckyeahasianmen:

hapamyheart:

fuckyeahasianmen:

blackwomenasianmen:

Yo! Newbie here! Just wanted to give a shout out and say how much I truly appreciate this webpage. Until recently I had no idea that so many websites advocating BW/AM relationships existed. It feels good to be around like minded people. I find Asian men so beautiful and exotic looking, but I…

See, this? 

This is what you DON’T wanna do.

Finding Asian men ‘so beautiful’ is one thing.

Woah….

I think you’re a little too upset. The word “exotic” may have problematic connotations, but I read that entire post, and essentially that person just said “I find Asian men attractive but never thought they would find Black women attractive.” I’ve seen worse on that very blog, and the blog owner always corrects people.

Not to mention that blog is run by a Black Woman Asian Man couple. Yes, that’s right, one of the blog owners is ACTUALLY AN ASIAN MAN. They give out really great advice, and are really supportive of BWAM love, and even encourage the people that write them to look for love in general, and not just BWAM love. I hate to see their blog get condemned for one post, and especially on a blog that is likely followed by Non- BWAMers who don’t follow that blog and don’t know what it’s normally about. 

Don’t do that. You’re making them seem like they’re some kind of Asian man fetish site, when to be honest, yours is way more than theirs. I like your blog, too, but come on. Don’t do that. 

First of all, you don’t get to tell someone that they’re ‘a little too upset’. 

You can’t go around policing feelings and words—at least not without getting checked for doing so.

Secondly, I KNOW who runs the blog, BooBoo. To explain to me that it’s run by an AMBW couple as if I didn’t already know that is just as condescending as your very first sentence where you try to tell me I’m a ‘little too upset’.

Third, this is not the only problematic thing I’ve seen posted on that damn blog, but this is The Straw That’s Hitting The Unfollow Button.

I can’t tell an Asian Man Black Woman couple how to respond to people who exoticize Asian men, but I CAN exercise my right to unfollow if they continually post things that make me roll my eyes.

YOU have that same power, sweetums.

The publishing of this ask without critique or correction is just the latest thing I’ve seen them post that’s problematic to me. 

And I’ve already acknowledged a couple times that as a black woman openly lusting after Asian men, I open myself up to claims of fetishism.

But if it’s in your heart and it’s in your mind, it’s gon come out your mouth (or off your fingers).

THAT type of shit would never come out my mouth, cause I don’t see men from China, Korea, Japan, Thailand, Malaysia, The Phillipines, Vietnam or any other Asian country as ‘exotic’. They’re only half the world’s population for crying out loud.

Completely ordinary.

But terribly underrated. 

I think your advice about hitting the unfollow button is the best thing you said in this post. I’m all for taking a healthy look at what is unacceptable when it comes to race… I also wasn’t being mean to you. I follow that blog, and I’m pretty sure they often correct people, so IDK what you’re on about. You don’t have to always get angry with people when they say something wrong, and most people don’t mean to say something wrong. I’m sure no woman looks at a man and thinks “hmm, let me fetishize him”. This is one of the main reasons I avoid AMBW sites, because I always see the women accused of fetishism, and honestly, it’s unfair and annoying. Just tell the person they shouldn’t use offensive language, don’t make her feel like her whole existence is wrong because she said “exotic.” In ANY situation. (homophobic, racist, etc.) If someone isn’t trying to be offensive, correcting them is better than being angry at them. Like, if a friend asked me “what are you”, I know they aren’t trying to be racist. I can calmly inform them that it’s problematic to say “what are you” to someone, because what I am is human. 

I can’t say that that blog is 100% on point when it comes to correcting people, because I probably haven’t seen every post they’ve ever made, but I’ve seen enough to come to the conclusion that they are trying their best. And they certainly handle things a lot better than you do. Respectfully, I have to unfollow, now. 

Here, boys and girls, we have the old Intent vs. Impact thing. 

Yes, again.

Did the Newbie on blackwomenasianmen MEAN to be an offensive fetishizer of Asian men?

No.

But did she use words that reeked of fetishization? And were those fetishizing words left unchecked?

Fuck yeah, on both counts.

See, too many people get caught up on intent, and that’s how racism goes unchecked. That’s how it spreads. 

We know people mean no harm, but because we’ve been socialized to look at a person’s intent, we let the shit they say slide and slide and slide until all those little unchecked racist comments and microaggressions pile up to one big racialized trauma in the psyche of a person of color.

We’ve also been socialized to think about the feelings of other people over our OWN damn feelings, so in an effort to be nice, we stay silent.

Which is fucked up if you think about it, because the offensive person may be speaking from ignorance with good intent, but they gave no fucks about MY feelings before they opened their damn mouth, so why should I consider theirs when I call they asses out?

I don’t have too much space for certain types of ignorance anymore. 

All these degrees motherfuckers got these days and they still don’t know no better?

Plus, the internet is on our phones and our phones are in our pockets.

If you don’t know better by now, it’s prolly cause you don’t really wanna know, and you’re relaxing in your gender or racial privilege, waiting on someone else to come teach you, and doing all kinda ignorant-ass but oh-so-well-intentioned harm to people while you wait. 

Y’all, just because the speaker doesn’t mean harm doesn’t mean that they’re not doing harm.

And letting it slide was cool when I was younger, but I’m too old for that shit now. 

Now, I call it out immediately, give a damn what you ‘meant’.

It’s so freeing!

And I encourage everyone to try it some time. 

Happy Unfollowing, darling!  

And one more time: I am not perfect, and I do acknowledge that my social positioning as a cisgendered straight black American woman may cause a couple blind spots and I might say something offensive. 

If this happens, I want anybody following me (or not following me) to please call my ass all the way out. 

And I mean that.